


Don't expect me to be here when you get back

by DancerChronicles



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: M/M, Minor Character Death, References to Depression, Suicide Attempt, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-07
Updated: 2018-09-07
Packaged: 2019-07-08 06:07:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15924446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DancerChronicles/pseuds/DancerChronicles
Summary: There were many moments during the time Shiro was gone where Adam thought about those words he had said to him, those words that had ended their relationship. Adam came to regret those words.





	Don't expect me to be here when you get back

**Author's Note:**

> This work will contain depictions of violence, mention of attempted suicide, character death

“Don’t expect me to be here when you get back…” Those words had changed everything that Adam had known during his relationship with Shiro. He had wanted to hold on to what they had, he truly did but he was so tired. He was tired of watching Shiro almost die during every mission as he condition got worse, deep down he knew Shiro was going to his grave on this mission, and he wouldn’t be able to handle it if that happened. He cried himself to sleep that night, wishing there was one way they could both be happy.

He had watched as the ship took off for Kerberos, the sinking feeling in his heart telling him he would never see Shiro again. As it turned out when the news of the pilot error, and the subsequent deaths of all the crew came in, all Adam felt was empty. He couldn’t scream, he couldn’t cry there was nothing. Instead he just put a wall up and acted like everything was okay even though he knew it wasn’t. He knew Keith was hurting, and while he had the capacity to comfort the teen through this he felt nothing himself it was like he was in denial.

Keith was eventually kicked out of the Garrison and he had run away, Adam had tried to find him but the teen didn’t want to be found. He had left him just like Shiro had, Keith was the only thing he had held onto that Shiro had left behind now even he was gone. But he still couldn’t cry or feel anything. He was sad sure, he cared about the kid but it was like his ability to cry had gone away since he had called off his relationship with Shiro.

He remained in a state devoid of emotion, he would go on dates like friends had convinced him to do but he couldn’t feel anything. They were simply nice guys who deserved to find someone who made them happy, Adam knew that he wasn’t that. After all he hadn’t even managed to make Shiro happy in the end, or Keith. He had grown to resent himself, for letting go of the people he cared about. He resented that his emotional capacity had gone away when they left, leaving him as a hollow shell. He was barely even living anymore, he was just on auto pilot.

One night it had all got too much for Adam, he had yet another date where he felt nothing and he had grown tired of it. He would never find anyone again, he could never fall in love again. He’d ruined his ability to love, it was nobody else’s fault but his own. He couldn’t take it, he had to make it stop. He didn’t care anymore, taking a deep breath he decided what he had to do. He had to make it stop for good.

He woke up a day later in hospital, he had survived. It was like he was being given a second chance. When he got out he was booked in for an appointment to see a therapist at the Garrison, once he was finally coaxed into opening up. Everything flooded out at once, and he broke down completely. Finally shedding tears over a year after the Kerberos mission, he didn’t know how much he’d needed it until then.

As time went by Adam finally was able to make peace with everything. When he had found out that Shiro had been found after crash landing on earth, for the first time Adam felt hope. Shiro was alive, he had never thought this would happen. He had wanted to see him, but Shiro had disappeared yet again. Adam felt all the hope drain out of his body, he was so close. So close to seeing Shiro again and saying he was sorry, but he was gone again. At least he knew now, Shiro was alive.

Sam Holt’s return to earth once again formed hope in Adam’s heart, when he heard that he came back, he immediately rushed to find him. He had to talk with him alone. “Commander Holt!” He had exclaimed when he saw the man alive and well, with the same kind eyes he remembered. They embraced, “I’m so glad you’re okay.” Adam said with tears in his eyes. “Shiro, and Matt are they still alive?” He asked, Sam smiled at him.

“The last time I saw them, they were alive and well. But they aren’t here, Shiro was part of Voltron and nobody has heard from them in a long time. Matt was working for rebel forces against the Galra empire last time I saw him too.” Sam explained everything about Shiro and Matt. “Don’t worry Adam, Shiro is a fighter I know that he is still out there and so are my kids. Katie is out there too.” He said, Adam leaned against him. Shiro had to still be alive.

There was no time to worry, they had war to prepare for. Operations to fight the Galra began to commence and Adam threw himself into his work, the MFE fighters were coming along and Adam focused on training the cadets to be the fliers. They were a skilled team, Adam was proud of them. Finally the time came to start the fight, and Adam volunteered himself to fight in the standard Garrison ships. 

Adam was surprised to learn that his fleet were being sent out first, he had thought that they would be back up for the MFE fighters. He could feel anxiety form in the pit of his stomach, they had no idea about Galra warfare. What if this mission didn’t succeed? He didn’t have time to question it as he was sent out, orders were orders. As he flew out and began to command the fleet to attack, he had no time to focus on the building anxiety. 

The Galra was too much for the standard Garrison ships, one by one Adam watched as his fellow pilots were shot down and killed. One wrong move and he would end up like them, there were now just two of them left. He could see the pilot in the ship in front of him, was going to get hit with a blast. He saw the beam take her ship out, aiming towards him. He screamed, as he felt his ship begin to fall. This was it, it was over. He was going to die, he closed his eyes.

He had somehow managed to survive the initial impact, just barely. He couldn’t move, he couldn’t make any sound. He knew that he was bleeding, he could feel himself becoming weaker, his vision was dimming. He was going to die in this burning ship without ever seeing the faces of Shiro and Keith again. Shiro… Was he really still alive? Adam hoped that he was, Shiro was strong after all. Stronger than he was, Adam thought to himself. It was funny how dying didn’t hurt, he had been given a second chance to live again but he knew he couldn’t come back from this. Adam felt tears leak out from his eyes, still no sound could come out of him.

‘Don’t expect me to be here when you get back…’ A bitter smile graced his features. ‘Looks like I kept my promise after all Takashi… I won’t be here, I wish I could have been.’ He addressed Shiro in his mind, a soft smile on his face. ‘I never stopped loving you after all this time… I never truly let you go. I’m sorry Takashi, I love you so much… I hope- I hope you’re safe wherever you are… Don’t forget me.’ Those were his final thoughts as his vision went black, the burning ship, the image of Shiro in his mind. Everything they could have been, slipping away.


End file.
